Again in touch.

Last week was a kind of cultural pump, and not regarding only to German culture, but to an incredible mix of everything. Have you thought about the title of the post? Yes, I had visitors (and yes, from my country... far, isn't it?). I received two friends from my small (and almost impossible to find) town, and as well I have spent the weekend with another guest, my cousin, who is living in Brussels. We have drunk enough beer and eaten enough German sausages, of course. Amazing moments, for sure.

I don't know why I always felt, throughout my whole stay here, the need to show everybody how beautiful and incredible is this place, and how good is my general life. I guess it is because I think in my natural parents, and all the doubts they must have about my new way of life. And I found pretty good the fact of showing all this to someone who would fly again to my country and could talk about it with my parents, face to face. I really took a load off.

Contrary to what AFS preaches, I found the visit enriching in every aspect, and not only for me, but also for my German family, who enjoyed their company as much as me. I discovered how amazing we can be, that when we really want, we can spend unforgettable moments, regardless if we share or not the culture, the skin color or even the language. The visit also woke me confidence in myself, because I realized that I was able to make a truly good thing with my German, due to the role of real-time translator I took.

Another clever remark I want to make is about how German I became (this still surprises me), as much that I programmed each little detail of every single day they would spend with me. And I don't want to boast about it, but I am proud because I knew how to take time together without being absent in the school. You can’t imagine how proud I feel of being such responsible (and I am sure that my friends have noticed that too).

I haven't won the lottery, but things are going really well. The trash that was somewhat stinking up my life has been swept away and although I sometimes want to kick out everything and just lie on my bed for a long long time, the bad moments are no longer so bad. I have not planned so many things (I don't want to be disappointed then), but anyway I know that this year will be even better than I have thought, no doubt.

Hope for tomorrow

Today was kind of a crappy day, for all sort of reasons that weren't in my power to change, you know, the type of unfortunate events that go beyond your control. I had, during almost all the day, a particular kind of bitter feeling inside. So, if you are looking for a post plenty of positivism, today is not the right day. And yes, I know I should probably be welcoming and friendly, and try to lighten up your life, and not succumb to my inner grump. But I am afraid this post will be gray, if any.

Three different bus drivers left me three times today! I think I ran more today than in my whole life trying to catch the fucking buses, screaming like a madman and cursing inside. Besides, I ran all the time with my backpack on my shoulders, which weighs more than two adorable kilos. I wanted to mourn. The reason for my anger is that the bus drivers are always late, but I mean ALWAYS. And I don't understand yet why I had such bad luck today, because the three fucking buses I had to take were so early, that when I arrived to the stop, they were just leaving. Shit.

And shit is not over. I had 4 free hours at the school today, but I still had to get up at 6:15 due to an only fucking hour in the first module. I can't believe how responsible I am. If it were my choice, I would haven't even thought about it, I would have been just absent. I personally think that one hour isn't really important enough to make shitty a whole morning, but I don't have to forget I am in Germany now, and things are different. And yes, I know: this particular sense of responsibility from here sucks.

I really don't want to come across as a stubborn, specially with my bitter complaints against this society. I must admit that it has opened the doors to me and there was no problem at all, in fact I always felt absolutely welcomed and supported. It is just that sometimes the good mood is too costly to wear every day when there are so many weird things around. The bad weather of the last three days has also to do, I think. I must be thankful because here I have a family. In sooth, today on the way back home I thought about locking myself in my room until tomorrow, but then when I met my hostparents and told them of my disgusting experience, everything became better. The smile returned, or at least a hint of it, and I found myself also laughing at my misfortunes. And man, that was a really sudden change of tone.

Right now I am leaned back in my chair, sipping Cappuccino from a cup, closed to all ways of feeling bad again, and thinking in all the stuff that makes life a bit better, brighter and lighter. So, to keep it reasonably short and interesting, these days are inevitably a part of this life, and although some days of my life are black and white, I try always to see them in all the splendid colors of the rainbow. This makes me feel better, as did the special words from grandma or good friends that I am truly missing.

In conclusion, I have something good to say: tomorrow will be better, of course. It could not be worse than today. At least I learned that the bus drivers who are already hateful will never be polite, even if you are fifteen minutes earlier standing at the stop, or if you smile nicely at them every time you show your ticket. And the funniest and most ironic thing of all is that this shit will happen again, a thousand times, and I wont be able to avoid it. So, problem without solution is not a problem. Just learn to make it part of my life. After all, today I did sports, and definitely a lot.

Must be nuts

-Ask me if I am happy.
-Agh?
-Ya, if I am happy, right now, please do it.
-Do you feel good?
-Haha seriously, just do it.
-Oh, come on, don't bother.
-Please, I beg you!
-God! O.K., so... are you happy?
-Check this beam and then, you guess!

Yes, do not tell me. It is clear that I am lazy. It has been almost 15 days without posts. But, you know, no news are good news, or in at least it is better to have no news than to have bad ones, and actually that's to do last have a bit to do with the last weeks.

First of all, I am doing very well, yeah yeah. My German has improved considerably, almost without me knowing it, and my social life has returned after the holidays like a blast of air, full of positivism and energy, thank God. My experience has taken a different course, I think more focused, more underway. I have started to collect the thrills I feel to judge the effectiveness of my program, and I must say that the first results have left me stunned. I have never imagined I could think so clearly and among so well defined thoughts. Of course, the process is still taking place and every day I notice that the things in my mind blow up from one place to another in a completely haywire way. Time ago, it'd have made me go crazy. However, I find it normal now, in fact, also wholly funny.

My blindness to what is not so good has gone away, pitifully. It is always interesting to be in touch with the characteristics of a particular society which are good enough to stick out, and draw them to your own society. That always happens during short periods of stay, which is not my case. Then, one gets bored and used to (and this is, as a matter of fact, really human). So now I am able to break through the negative characteristics of this society, just to try not to implement them. But I won't write my analysis yet. I'm really in a good mood to be negative today.

These days I have been also thinking about my family, but in a completely different way. I realized how much it has influenced on what I am right now and how strong I feel every moment I think of it. Last week it was my sister’s 15th birthday, and as the tradition goes, they organised a huge party to celebrate it. I have to say that I felt sad during almost the whole day and several times I desperately wanted to fly back to my country , to my place, to meet my roots and hug my people. It also came to my mind thoughts about the people who have no family, and I realized how lucky I am just 'cause my family is incredibly marvellous. But what moved me most was the fact that many people do have a family though it seems that they don’t. That is really a shame.

Finally, I thought about all the expats, like me, and about the difficulty of their situation. For me, it's been repeatedly difficult to understand the behaviors, traditions and just the way of life of this society, even when I have an adorable family who really do their own to make me feel comfortable and adapted everyday. Now, I can’t effectively be myself in those people’s place, they who had to move from their country alone, living in a completely different culture, with anyone available to speak to in the evening, or to have breakfast with.

I promise little by little I will update my life. Regards.