Today was kind of a crappy day, for all sort of reasons that weren't in my power to change, you know, the type of unfortunate events that go beyond your control. I had, during almost all the day, a particular kind of bitter feeling inside. So, if you are looking for a post plenty of positivism, today is not the right day. And yes, I know I should probably be welcoming and friendly, and try to lighten up your life, and not succumb to my inner grump. But I am afraid this post will be gray, if any.
Three different bus drivers left me three times today! I think I ran more today than in my whole life trying to catch the fucking buses, screaming like a madman and cursing inside. Besides, I ran all the time with my backpack on my shoulders, which weighs more than two adorable kilos. I wanted to mourn. The reason for my anger is that the bus drivers are always late, but I mean ALWAYS. And I don't understand yet why I had such bad luck today, because the three fucking buses I had to take were so early, that when I arrived to the stop, they were just leaving. Shit.
And shit is not over. I had 4 free hours at the school today, but I still had to get up at 6:15 due to an only fucking hour in the first module. I can't believe how responsible I am. If it were my choice, I would haven't even thought about it, I would have been just absent. I personally think that one hour isn't really important enough to make shitty a whole morning, but I don't have to forget I am in Germany now, and things are different. And yes, I know: this particular sense of responsibility from here sucks.
I really don't want to come across as a stubborn, specially with my bitter complaints against this society. I must admit that it has opened the doors to me and there was no problem at all, in fact I always felt absolutely welcomed and supported. It is just that sometimes the good mood is too costly to wear every day when there are so many weird things around. The bad weather of the last three days has also to do, I think. I must be thankful because here I have a family. In sooth, today on the way back home I thought about locking myself in my room until tomorrow, but then when I met my hostparents and told them of my disgusting experience, everything became better. The smile returned, or at least a hint of it, and I found myself also laughing at my misfortunes. And man, that was a really sudden change of tone.
Right now I am leaned back in my chair, sipping Cappuccino from a cup, closed to all ways of feeling bad again, and thinking in all the stuff that makes life a bit better, brighter and lighter. So, to keep it reasonably short and interesting, these days are inevitably a part of this life, and although some days of my life are black and white, I try always to see them in all the splendid colors of the rainbow. This makes me feel better, as did the special words from grandma or good friends that I am truly missing.
In conclusion, I have something good to say: tomorrow will be better, of course. It could not be worse than today. At least I learned that the bus drivers who are already hateful will never be polite, even if you are fifteen minutes earlier standing at the stop, or if you smile nicely at them every time you show your ticket. And the funniest and most ironic thing of all is that this shit will happen again, a thousand times, and I wont be able to avoid it. So, problem without solution is not a problem. Just learn to make it part of my life. After all, today I did sports, and definitely a lot.
Three different bus drivers left me three times today! I think I ran more today than in my whole life trying to catch the fucking buses, screaming like a madman and cursing inside. Besides, I ran all the time with my backpack on my shoulders, which weighs more than two adorable kilos. I wanted to mourn. The reason for my anger is that the bus drivers are always late, but I mean ALWAYS. And I don't understand yet why I had such bad luck today, because the three fucking buses I had to take were so early, that when I arrived to the stop, they were just leaving. Shit.
And shit is not over. I had 4 free hours at the school today, but I still had to get up at 6:15 due to an only fucking hour in the first module. I can't believe how responsible I am. If it were my choice, I would haven't even thought about it, I would have been just absent. I personally think that one hour isn't really important enough to make shitty a whole morning, but I don't have to forget I am in Germany now, and things are different. And yes, I know: this particular sense of responsibility from here sucks. I really don't want to come across as a stubborn, specially with my bitter complaints against this society. I must admit that it has opened the doors to me and there was no problem at all, in fact I always felt absolutely welcomed and supported. It is just that sometimes the good mood is too costly to wear every day when there are so many weird things around. The bad weather of the last three days has also to do, I think. I must be thankful because here I have a family. In sooth, today on the way back home I thought about locking myself in my room until tomorrow, but then when I met my hostparents and told them of my disgusting experience, everything became better. The smile returned, or at least a hint of it, and I found myself also laughing at my misfortunes. And man, that was a really sudden change of tone.
Right now I am leaned back in my chair, sipping Cappuccino from a cup, closed to all ways of feeling bad again, and thinking in all the stuff that makes life a bit better, brighter and lighter. So, to keep it reasonably short and interesting, these days are inevitably a part of this life, and although some days of my life are black and white, I try always to see them in all the splendid colors of the rainbow. This makes me feel better, as did the special words from grandma or good friends that I am truly missing.
In conclusion, I have something good to say: tomorrow will be better, of course. It could not be worse than today. At least I learned that the bus drivers who are already hateful will never be polite, even if you are fifteen minutes earlier standing at the stop, or if you smile nicely at them every time you show your ticket. And the funniest and most ironic thing of all is that this shit will happen again, a thousand times, and I wont be able to avoid it. So, problem without solution is not a problem. Just learn to make it part of my life. After all, today I did sports, and definitely a lot.
1 comment:
Tomorrow can´t wait!
You must be grateful to be there! You are learning a lot of the world! and this is amazing!
I hope you are very very well!
Hugs!
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