End of the world, home of joy

Jesus had already predicted that the arrival of the Last Judgment was imminent in year 30. Martin of Tours reaffirmed those predictions a few years later, adding that the world would end before year 400. Days before the 6th of April 793, the monk Beatus of Liébana prophesied the second coming of Christ and the end of the world on this date. People, believing the world would end, fasted overnight. Pope Innocent III said the world would end 666 days after the rise of Islam. 

William Whiston, an English theologian, historian and mathematician, advocate of the periodicity of comets, held that comets were responsible for past catastrophes in earth's history, and predicted in 1736 that the world would end on October 16 of that year because a comet would hit the earth, causing widespread anxiety among London's citizens. Meteorogist Albert Porta said in 1919 that an alignment of the planets would cause the explosion of the Sun. Housewife Dorothy Martin from Chicago reported receiving messages from aliens by automatic writing. Such messages claimed that the world would end due to a great flood before dawn on December 21, 1954. Lots of people foretold that computers would no longer work at the beginning of the year 2000, leading to failures in the control of nuclear warheads and in all systems controlled by computers, causing doomsday. 

OK. According to Mayan predictions (which might be misinterpreted), the Judgment Day is scheduled for tomorrow. But, after analyzing the history of the "doomsday dates", should we actually believe, once and for all, that the world as we know it will end tomorrow? Because we could go further with the analysis: Sir Isaac Newton proposed, basing his calculations on data from the book of Daniel, that the Apocalypse could happen after 2060.

Let us think a little... 

Anyway, I love these occasions. Seriously, I love them. They make me think about how I've lived so far. And not in a nostalgic way, but from a global perspective. And you know what? If the hypothetical case of The Day of the Lord taking place tomorrow was true, I think it would be OK for me. I mean, I've gone through really deep emotional states, I've felt true love, friendship and infinite passion. I tried everything that this world gave me, and was thankful for everything I got. I  lived far away from the people I love, and I fell down and got up countless times. I have learned another language and understood other people's mind. I have enjoyed every single moment of the years, and I did not let one year be worse than the previous one. I have laughed to tears, I have cried until the tears turned into laughter. I sang, danced, jumped, ran... I always got carried away by the flow of life. Anything I regret? Nothing. 

So, Doomsday, you don't scare me. In fact, you make me happy. Because you show me how lucky I am. Cheers!

New ways to give Life

This is a strange post. I don't know if it suits my Blog. Or probably seems so at first. But somehow I feel the duty to write about it, specially because I am used to talk about exceptional experiences  and this one is one of them. I am now through one of those moments when excitement and emotion fill each tiny part of your body and burst gushing, garnishing all over the place around you. And I can feel my blood through veins and arteries leading light. And precisely about blood is what I want to write today.

Today I donated blood.

I was very nervous, as always happens to me when I enter into a Hospital and start to break through the dark and labyrinthine corridors full of disease and desolation that characterizes them. But the nurses were very kind and despite my extreme nervousness, I decided to go on and reach my goal. I sat on a soft overstuffed blue chair, very comfortable by the way, and within minutes a small needle allowed my blood gradually to go outside from the stronger vein of my right arm into a container bag.

Ok. I am convinced that words are not enough for me to describe what I felt in those 10 minutes. It was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. What I thought? I could actually see small pieces of my life flowing in that blood through that pipes, as little beings full of life and light. In addition, I felt a bliss. Then I imagined the moment when all those bits of life, coming out from the depths of my being, entered into another bodies to become a part of their very foundations and brighten their beings from the inside. I saw vast green fields and joys at high speeds. I was completely thrilled, just knowing that I was giving life, and that I would be, somehow, connected to someone else through that gift.

Time passed quickly and soon the process was over. And suddenly I felt connected to everyone in the world. And part of the whole, and full of nothing. And I smiled.

How did you know that?

How can I define a beginning and an end? I have been thinking about that fact the whole weekend. We really need to classify every aspect of our lives to the extent of expressing always its beginning and its end? Today everything must be classified and catalogued. Relationships, friendships, trips, jobs, days, movies, books. Life itself! Everything has to have a beginning and an end, as if that form of 'naming' made that each thing remained in its time period, without leaving that place... It is so stupid that it's actually funny. Since when we finish a relationship and we automatically stop thinking about the other? Since when we say that a trip is over and its emotional effects stop as if by magic with our hypothetical 'end'? No, no, no. Every day it becomes more difficult to me to define beginnings and ends. Specially when everything insists on showing me that there is no timeline on which I could build my assumptions. I could use first times as initiators of what I want to classify as periods. First encounters, first deep glances, first shared shrieks of laughter, first disclosed secrets. But then I realize that first times are actually (grandiosely) arising in our life every minute of our existence, and most of the times it feels I felt them before. So the the plot thickens... However, I would like to focus on what I call 'period of being', separated from time and nomenclatures. And if you are asking yourself the reason of my coming back after so much time without writing... this being, this 'timeless being' is the answer.

I had one of the most extravagant weekends of my whole life. It was kind of revelation, as always occurs with trips, but somehow this time was different. The Latin word Omnia is the most accurate word to describe it: everything was connected to everything, everything was in its right place. The companies, the laughter, the strength of heart. I think I need a lot of time to digest everything I learned these days, but there are points that are already fresh in my mind and I would like to share.

'How did you know that?' I realized that when we learn something, we do not acquire new knowledge, but recover lost knowledge. To learn is to discover something that you knew it before. This concept is reflected in all areas and ways: knowledge, people, places... Don't you feel sometimes, when you meet someone for the first time, that you knew that person before? Or the same in a place where you know you've never been, but anyhow you've got a feeling that you had been there before? A smell, a feeling, a sound? It's quite amazing to find out how crazy all this stuff sounds and however how close it touches us all.

I discovered that two people together build a new way of being. Not a person, but a being. That is why it is said that some people are a kind of person when they're alone, and another kind when they meet someone else. They are actually not different kinds of people, they form just a new being together, and it is incredible how our minds take these beings and create new 'personality spaces' for them, separated from their individual 'personality spaces' we created before. Amazing, ah? Quite difficult to understand, but so enlightening when understood.

Earth. It is clear to me that it is alive. And I convince myself every time I breathe the sea salt and see the waves crashing against the shore, generating foam vortices and creating new shapes on the sand. We have been connecting with nature and it felt very peaceful to find ourselves as a part of something much more bigger than everything we have never imagined before.

Then I have been asking myself when all our paths crossed? When they met together to follow as one? There were so many setbacks in the middle of the road that now, when obstacles have been overcome, I can only be thankful, because in the end, everything is better than it could be (only if you want to). Omnia vincit Amor (love conquers all). Thanks for everything I learned, for all that I enjoyed, but specially to you, for making me notice that everything is inevitable as life itself.

Reverse cultural shock

I arrived safe and sound, despite the fact that my flight resembled hell more than anything else in this world. There was a problem with the fuel pumps, they said, and we flew for about 5 hours over Europe, from Frankfurt to the Bay of Biscay and back to Germany, without any reason but burning fuel. Apparently, we had to throw fuel into the sea, I missed that part, thank God, I really got scared. There was a point in which I thought I would die, no joke. I tried to read my friends' letters, to think positively. The plane followed unusual routes, flew in circles, went down and up repeatedly, trying to land and again, back into the ring... By the way, I took a photo of the spectacle we had to see on the screens all over the plane:


Anyway, it was a key moment, I think. When I finally arrived in Buenos Aires, the next day and by another aircraft, I was so comforted and happy due to the arrival that I forgot a lot of unhappy stuff concerning the fact I was leaving so much in Germany, and I came refreshed in body and energized in soul. Everything happens for a reason.

I can't say I suffered during the first months in Germany, but I experienced a sort of cultural shock when I arrived, a shock about which I had been opportunely warned before my departure. But nobody really told me about this feeling that you have when you come back to the 'known stuff' after floating around for a while. To all appearances, this would be the panacea, and coming back shouldn't necessarily be any kind of trauma... Ok, shouldn't be. But yes, it is.

What happens when the 'known stuff' doesn't satisfy you, isn't as you expected, or just you didn't miss it? I found myself as part of a strange culture in my own country, what the fuck! Then I ask myself, how could I have lived so much time without seeing the reality around me? I have come across many people since my return, and lots of them have asked me so shameful things about my experience that I thought they were fully sick. I can't stand a culture which more appreciates those who are proud of being ignorant than the ones who try to get ahead day by day, physically and emotionally, the ones who show at least a spark of motivation, of improvement.

I have felt like a stranger in many situations since I came back. Perhaps I have become too critical, or perhaps I am just tired of putting up with so much crap for so long, and now I just don't want it. My time abroad has changed my perspective in several aspects, and I feel that the others have not evolved in the same way, which is also demotivating. In addition, my 'German Adventure' seems distant and sleepy, and I have fear because I don't want it to stay just as a reminder of the past. If there is something that still fills me, that is my family and some friends. They stayed just as I wanted, with some kind of obstinacy in a few points, but always with the ability to bring me home. Simply.

I do not want you to be confused, I'm fine. I am more observant, that's all, and the good thing is that I find it easier to get the basics of the issue to feel myself comfortable. The concept of 'home' has changed, and the point now is to find out the lost parts of the machine to make my new place home again. It is not about finding a place, but making it. I feel kind of anxious, that something is missing. I like it. That tells me, at least, that my adventure is actually not over, quite the contrary. And I can not stop looking askance at the suitcase, waiting to repack some day.

In love with life

This adventure is over. Despite the fact that my fingers tremble when I write, I feel myself completely blissful and satisfied, because it couldn't have been better. The people around me are the most wonderful ones I could have ever known, and since a couple of weeks, everything helps just to magnify the situation. I am not sad, I swear. I wanted to be, but I found it almost impossible. I have too many reasons to feel full and happy today.

Recently I have read something really interesting about stages in life and how to go through them (or rather, how to escape from them without regret or tribulation). What caught specially my attention was a paragraph which mentioned that if we stick ourselves to and remain tied up to it, we miss the opportunity to enjoy the magic of every stage. Like a plot, according to Aristotle, a life stage must have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Everything in its proper place. Every obstacle taken as a deeper step into the universe of senses, and each finding as an incentive for a new search. Right now it is time to end, time to let the water flow, time to start, in harmonic release, a new phase.

The good thing of the whole topic is everything we incorporate throughout these stages. Friendship. Knowledge, understanding. A string of emotions and sensations. Mental power. Experience and satisfaction. Broken hearts, flying roofs, communication skills. The list is clearly infinite.

So, stages in life are OK. After all, that is it, just going through them. This is the reason of my joy, the beginning of a new plot. Let's start burning off photos, letters, routines. Instead of mourning and crying memories, let's go out the street and make more of them. Let's allow our lives to change. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that nothing is absolutely indispensable, only our ability to think. And to smile, surely, how could I forget it!

This means under no circumstances that the time here wasn't incredible, because actually it was. Unforgettable. Amazing. Inspiring. Touching. As well as people, friends, family. After the initial setbacks, the flavors came full-force to stay and make the whole experience just great. Some days ago I was passing by a shop on the way to school and on the window there was a small sign that read They can't take that away from me, the title of one of the most beautiful songs of George Gershwin. I had to smile just right after reading it, no way!

I should amend my recent fresh words: I'm not coming back. There's no coming back for me anymore, never again. The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that I don't belong to the past, simple. Each stage I lived left me so different from the previous one that it would be just unthinkable and inconceivable to go back to some situation in the past, otherwise I would have to stop being me. There is no known record of a definite explanation of life, but somehow I know I'm not running amok, I'm on the right track. No worries, as Lily says. Look at it, I'm raising my glass. See you at the next stop.

Rome was not built in a day.

Yes. The time is winding down. Just because time moves, like a snake; it never stops sliding. And in its way, it drags things with it. Things, feelings, experiencies. Once in a while it plucks you even your breath, and completely changes the way you are and your whole conception of life. Then it makes you think about what the hell you are. Sometimes it makes you see the world through the eyes of a baby. Amazing, but also scaring, how it plays with your life.

If I learned anything from all this thing, it's that I should wait. No matter how much. I spent lots of moments this year in fear of things that did not happen. On the contrary, I was surprised more than once due to facts that I didn't ever expected. The train arrives at some point. And time is always there to fix everything. It is just like snow, removing blemishes. I learned to enjoy the whole process of the passing of time (you know, the several secondary factors which often remain in the background). I discovered the wonder of being attracted to what I do not understand, and the subsequent satisfaction of discovering the heart of the matter (or not). But above all, the greatest thing is of course, the way we experience pleasure though we do not understand just anything about the world around us.

Those shitty days, I had those too, and yes, they are inevitable part of life and this world of ours. On those days I slept a lot. Despite all that sleep I was still exhausted. Emotionally drained. Empty. Completely empty. No one understood why and I couldn't figure out how to explain it to anyone, so the question I was always getting was "Why are you so tired all the time? It's like you've done anything today". I couldn't make them understand just how crushing the situation was. But, like everything else, those moments went away, alone and lonely. Meanwhile I tried to find comfort in matters and deeds of beauty and kindness, which can always be found in the family or among friends (preferably both), and of course it worked. Look at this: the architecture of my region is a little typical, I already wrote about it. And in the colder months (now, by the way), when the skies are overcast, the grime begins to build up and plant life dies. Everything looks grey and dark, and sad. But, if I wait for a few months, I notice that when the sun shines, the bricks have been scrubbed and the trees are in full bloom, the buildings look absolutely beautiful, and the scene becomes a fairy tail. Amazing? It is just time.

Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero. "Seize the day, putting as little trust as possible in the future". It helped a lot. These days are perhaps the most difficult ones, I can not stop thinking about the people around me and how quickly they will disappear, just in a few crappy days. So I try not to think about tomorrow. Otherwise I should go nuts.

I have already begun to open drawers, to empty cans. To look three times through the window before I brush my teeth. I started to look squarely into the eyes of the people, to whimper at nights. They are unique sensations, strong shocks. I'm looking forward to what this life has in store. Today I cling to my new lifeway, with no date or place. I answer with Alele kita konga. Head on, I'm coming back.